Isy is Amazing!

Mom's companion during the week from now on will be Isabelle (Isy). She came to us via a company called Senior Options, and seems to be a very good "fit" for Mom. I don't know how she does it, but she makes everything look so effortless and stress-free! On Friday, she got dinner on the table, and Mom wanted to have her chair adjusted. I offered to do it, but she was adamant that Isy should come and fix the chair! Lea and I looked at each other and said "She likes her! Mom likes her!"

We've been using my last week here to go over all the household routines, locations of kitchen items, writing down the instructions for the tv with the big speakers, creating lists of essential phone numbers, and sharing family information Isy can use in conversations with Mom. She will come two more times before I leave, and will be here full-time beginning Wednesday, August 30.

Ever since Mom's physician changed her medicine, she's been getting better and better every day, and now she's demanding meals, and having us read her mail. I am satisfied that she is finally on the mend, and feel very comfortable about leaving her in Isy's care.

Dave and Lea will now be responsible for her care at night and on weekends. This means that one or both of them will have to sleep here at night, and make sure Mom isn't left alone during the weekend days. It's like acquiring a foster child after being a (nearly) empty-nester. But she's so much better now than she was a month ago, and I think it won't be quite as onerous as it was when she first got out of the rehab center.

I'ts Wednesday night now, and I'm in countdown mode. I have done my gift shopping and my laundry; tonight I'm packing, and tomorrow I'll go next door and print my boarding pass. My niece will drive me to the airport, and I should arrive in Sacramento at 9:30 tomorrow night. Although I'd love to stay, I miss Sacramento - and my family and my work. I suppose I could always come back for another visit ...

Harp Practice

Mary still practices the harp every afternoon. She has "programs" - one day she'll play Hawaiian music, the next day it will be show tunes, etc.

Making the transition

Mom's been complaining about stomach pain off and on for about a week. The doctor thinks it may be any or a combination of: gall stones, diverticulitis, or side effects of her various medicines. So - he ordered a sonogram and changed her meds. The sonogram is tomorrow morning at 8:30, then we have a follow-up visit with the doctor on Monday afternoon.

We have engaged Isy ("izzy") as of yesterday. She is a Certified Nursing Aide and she is a little older than me, very patient, and obviously skilled with older patients. We're just going over the household routines, favorite meals, locations of things like kitchen utensils and laundry supplies now, in preparation for her solo debut next week. Isy was a HUGE help getting mom to the doctor yesterday. She is coming part time until next Wednesday, when she will begin staying with Mom full time, and making sure Mary gets to day care in the morning, and receives her back in the afternoon.

I'm going home to Sacramento next Thursday. I'm really looking forward to taking some time for myself when Isy is here, so I can go to the beach, visit friends and libraries, and maybe do some gift shopping before I return.

Blessing of the Rainbow

In Hawaii, it is considered highly auspicious if there is a light, misty rain on the morning of an important event. Most times, a rainbow follows. Aside from the biblical promise of the rainbow, it makes the events of the day and the blessing seem even more meaningful. This double rainbow appeared just at sunrise this morning in the midst of a fine, misty drizzle. I took it for a promise of a turning point in Mom's recovery.

Last night, when Mom went to bed, she was feeling better. We don't know what bit her a couple days ago, but she must have had some kind of bug - slight fever, fatigue, no appetite, nasal congestion. Last night, she started feeling better. So, after a dinner of soup and crackers, she went to bed, and got up at least two times after that asking for milk and ginger ale before finally going to sleep for the night.

Today, she got up early, ate a good breakfast, stayed alert for the Eucharistic Ministers who come every Sunday and visited with Lea. Then came lunch, a nap, and a repotting. (I carried out my threat of having her pot up two ti leaf cuttings that had rooted in water.) After dinner, around 7:30 she retired for the night, having been awake more of the day than recently. This is a good thing!

Preparing for the "Hail and Farewell"

I've been with Mom for three weeks now, two more to go. The therapists are preparing to "discharge" her, so the home visits will probably stop at the end of the month. We are actively looking for a Certified Nursing Aide (CNA) to stay with her after I leave. We met with the social worker this afternoon, and she was able to give us a great deal of information about our options now and for later. We also have a meeting with the assessment nurse for a care agency on Tuesday.

As I said in an earlier post, progress is not linear. It seems that it is a great effort for mom to stay focused in the present and converse with visitors. Yesterday, the case manager came for a longish visit, and then mom's friend Francoise came for an hour so I could go to the beach for the first time this visit. Last night and all day today until dinnertime, mom was sleepy - she does this like a screensaver, to "idle" without actually being asleep in bed. I was very concerned, because she wasn't hungry and wouldn't drink any water.

But at 4 p.m. she "woke up" and remained alert and conversational through the evening news, dinner, and the second half of the movie "Seabiscuit". Go figure! She said she wants to get better as fast as possible; I told her the way to do that was to drink lots of water! Dehydration makes people sleepy, confused and forgetful. She needs water to flush all her pills through her system, too, and good meals to keep her strong.

I think I'm beginning to burn out. I've been "doing" Mom and Mary 24/7 for three weeks with only a couple of hours a week off for grocery shopping and my Weight Watchers meetings. Fortunately, I'm able to take time off this weekend to do some fun things. I'm going on Saturday to the "Made in Hawaii" craft fair, and on Sunday I'll be having brunch with Aunt Jo at her retirement home, Pohai Nani. And once the home care aide begins and I've had a chance to coach her in the household routines, quirks, and preferences, I'll be able to take more time off the week before I return to Sacramento.

Light Housekeeping

Yesterday, Mom said she sleeps so much because she has nothing to do and she is bored. So today I just happened to have a load of clean laundry fresh out of the dryer, and I gave them to her to fold. She never liked smiling for the camera, so, despite her glare, I believe she enjoyed the work. Tomorrow, I'll give her the vegetable peeler, and soon she'll be watering the pots on the patio.

Also, yesterday she said she didn't think she would be sufficiently recovered to be independent by the time I have to leave, and that we ought to consider hiring someone to help her out. I said she was right, and that Dave, Lea, and I had been discussing some options. Today we met with a woman whose business is matching care workers with families, and next Friday we will meet with a social worker from the agency who is providing mom's therapists. When we have looked at the options, we hope to have something started before I go. That way, if there are any wrinkles, they can be ironed out right away.

Mom is actually so much better than when I arrived two weeks ago, I am very encouraged that she will actually need minimal assistance. Yesterday and today she was able to get out of bed and dress herself without any help. She even managed to hang her nightgown on a hanger in the closet. The one worry is that, having had so many mini-strokes, she could have another or another series - so we are thinking about hiring a home care aide. That way, she can putter around here, maybe use the swimming pool since there will be a trained adult here to help her get in and out, and generally be in a freer environment than day care would be. She would hate day care.

Notes on returning to the places of my youth

This is a photo of the moon setting over the Nu'uanu Pali this morning. Can't see the mountain because of the clouds, but the moon was so full, and the morning was so balmy ...

Last couple of nights, after getting Mom to bed, I went to sit outside in the back yard and watch the clouds, the stars, the palm trees clattering in the trade winds, and listen to the pounding waves at the beach a couple of blocks away (sounds like distant jets.) And it came over me that this place is a land apart.

Put aside for a moment that Hawaii is in fact the most remote place in the world by virtue of its position in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Instead, think of this: It's 11 p.m., 78 degrees, there's a 10-15 mph trade wind going, a full moon is lighting up big, pouffy white clouds (yes, white, even at night) and casting shadows of the coconut trees and bougainvillea on the lawn. There is no smog, so the stars are brilliant and the air tastes fresh. And the whole ambience causes my young adult life - all its joy, angst, love, despair, the beginnings of independenc and of belonging - to flood back into my memory.

I used to do a lot at night - walk the dogs, enjoy romantic tete-a-tetes with my beaus, walk home from choir practice, (Did I ever mention that I saw the Easter Rabbit? As I walked to Midnight Mass one year, he hopped across the road in front of me - he's brown.) When I lived on Molokai, I used to go night fishing with the science teacher from the high school and.several of his students. They would wade knee-deep in the ocean carrying flashlights to look for octopus and crabs, put them in a big 5-gallon bucket, then take them to the high school around 11 p.m. and dump them in the salt-water aquarium for use in class the next day.

It's hard, living in Sacramento, to imagine the relationship an islander has with his island. It's much more than just talking about the weather, or noting that there are more visitors staying in Kailua now. It's more like a familial thing - he is in tune with the wind, the tides, the seasons, the neighbors. They all "speak" to him and he understands the message without knowing how he knows. Even the songs, which mention over and over the "palm trees swaying" , the "surf at Waikiki", the fragrance of the trees, ferns, and flowers, the gentle rains and the winds swirling around the mountain tops, the waterfalls - speak of this relationship between the islander and his island.

So, as I lie on the deck chair watching the clouds roll in and play hide and seek with the moon, feeling the trade winds on my bare arms and legs, and listening to the trees and surf, I feel homesick. Funny - I never thought I'd feel homesick for the place where I am currently; I think of homesickness as a longing for a place I used to be. I think I'm homesick for the island in me.

Mom had a good day today. She's still slow with the walker, but you can see in her expression that she's here in the present. Her progress has not been linear, but, on balance, I'd say she is improving, and could stay at home with a full-time aide. We're meeting on Saturday with someone who may be able to match her and Mary with a caregiver and get them started before I have to return home.

Mom's a champ!

Mom was feeling pretty good after dinner tonight, and consented to be photographed. After 9 days with her, I've figured out a daily routine, and a tentative plan to keep her in bed all night - we watch exciting movies (Cabaret, Chicago) after a dinner that involved stimulating company or a couple cups of tea. AND I hang a bell on her walker so I'll hear her if she gets up in the wee hours. I have to be really careful, because she slipped the other day in the bathroom and flayed a strip of skin off the back of one arm. No other injuries except to her pride, thank goodness!

I've learned how to operate her wheelchair, and so another problem is solved: how to take a daily walk. I'll just strap her into her chariot, and we'll "holoholo" around the block. I'll get my exercise, and she can see what's been going on in the neighborhood.

Tomorrow, the plumber and electrician are coming to rip out the old toilet and bathroom sink and install a commode with a bidet and a more modern sink with arthritis-friendly fixtures - and maybe find out why there is so much air in the hot water line that when we turn on the hot faucet, the house sounds like it's coming down. This should pose no more than the usual activity around here - she has four, count'em, four therapists and aides coming a couple time a week each, so except for Saturdays and Sundays, there is always one or more visitors.

Laurel went home today, and Patrick picked her up at the airport. How nice it is to have kids old enough to be of real help! Marty has been in London for five days, and will be arriving home tomorrow evening. Pat's been staying in our apartment to feed the fish and water the plants. Tomorrow he will have to return the car keys and sleep at his own house again.

Learning the ropes again

After four days on the job, I'm still finding my routine and fine-tuning the workflow; I don't know, for example, what days the trash is picked up!

It looks like the best time for me to go online is late evening, after mother goes to bed. The computer hookup is in a place where I can't see what mother is doing. Although she's supposed to be supervised when moving around, she managed to get to the bathroom, change out of her nightgown and get dressed before I even knew she was up! This shocked the occupational therapist this afternoon, so I guess I'd better not take any more chances.

But lest you think she's back to normal, she still has trouble with aphasia - some days more than others - and she spends a lot of the day sleeping in her chair on the patio. It's a struggle to get her to stand up and walk, with her walker, anywhere, including the bathroom. She just doesn't seem to realize how long it is taking her to perform even one simple task like walking 20 feet to the bathroom. I've discovered that I need to roust her every two hours on some pretext or other that can only be addressed after she visits the restroom.

Today the occupational therapist, Clyde, came to make an evaluative visit. He thinks she has very good use of the hand affected by the stroke, and he said he will recommend that his partner, Renee, come to help mom learn techniques to help her with personal hygiene, like bathing, grooming, and toileting. He approved of the minor - well, really major - remodeling of the old bathroom, and made one small recommendation for the placement of a towel/grab bar closer to the bathroom sink.

Tomorrow, the physical therapist, Laurie, will come. There's going to be a parade of therapists in and out of here for the next six weeks - nothing like keeping busy!